How To Become More Confident In Public Speaking w/ Anila Dhami

Anila Dhami: 0:00

There are so many reasons why we talk to people Generally to connect, to persuade, to give information, to get information, to give and receive and ultimately, communication is a two-way street.

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‍Mona Ahluwalia: 0:19

Today, we're going to be talking about public speaking and, in particular, how to unlock the confidence to deliver really meaningful and impactful communication when it matters most. We talk about how founders can effectively craft compelling and memorable stories, handle objections during pitches with a cool and calm head, how to confidently step into your own authentic style of speaking, and the importance of voice modulation and body language. Spoiler alert if you're watching this, you will see me on my feet doing a voice modulation exercise. To answer all of these questions. We're joined by presenter, journalist and now author, nila Dami. You may recognise her from ITV, news, channel 5 and LBC. As well as her charitable work and mentoring, nila also delivers public speaking confidence workshops and sessions to help people get to the heart of their message and purpose, to empower them to speak and present with confidence and authenticity.

Mona Ahluwalia: 1:13

There are so many insights and practical tips in this episode. I hope you enjoyed the conversation as much as I did. I'm Mona and I am so excited to be hosting this podcast on behalf of the BAE HQ, powered by HSBC Innovation Banking. Anila, so good to have you here. I think public speaking is something that probably the vast majority of us find really, really scary, so it's really great to have an expert on board to like unpick this a little bit. So maybe starting off a little bit with that topic, how can early stage founders get over this phobia and get comfortable with public speaking quite quickly? What advice would you start with?

Anila Dhami: 1:53

Okay, the first thing that I do in one of my sessions, which are completely drafted myself. These workshops and sessions are ones that I've put together myself. I've put pen to paper and thought about my thought processes and what's led me to being so confident in different situations, and then I created tasks or activities that I think will help people absorb and understand that information. So I would ask what do you think is the purpose of talking to people?

Mona Ahluwalia: 2:30

You mean from a like publicly?

Anila Dhami: 2:33

Yeah, let's say that you're an? Uh founder of an early startup and you want to talk to somebody, or even just as Mona. What's your purpose of talking? What's your purpose of talking to me right now?

Mona Ahluwalia: 2:47

I guess, um thinking of founders really it's to like meaningfully, like articulate a vision and get a little bit of buy-in from whoever you're speaking to, and usually those, those people tend to be complete strangers.

Anila Dhami: 3:01

Yeah, great. So you've touched on some really, uh, important aspects of communication there, which is the buy-in, so that's bringing people into you and your message. And there are so many reasons why we talk to people. Generally to connect, to persuade, to give information, to get information, to give and receive and ultimately, communication is a two-way street persuade to give information, to get information, to give and receive and ultimately, communication is a two-way street. That's the fundamental, on the basic that I start with, because it's only from that point when we start to understand that when we're talking to people, people are either listening or we want a response, and generally it's those two things in conjunction. So when we're talking about anybody, whether they are founders of a startup or whether they're a CEO of a company, ultimately the reason for communication is always the same, because we are giving and receiving and receiving. So that's the first thing I would say start with keep it at the forefront that you're not talking to people, you are talking with people.

Mona Ahluwalia: 4:11

I think when you go up into a room and there are a collection of people you don't know, you definitely do feel like you are talking at them. So that's a really interesting piece of advice.

Mona Ahluwalia: 4:23

I guess you kind of need to almost change your mindset before you go up onto that stage, or into that room.

Anila Dhami: 4:28

Exactly, because the reason you then said that you would go into a room and you feel like you're talking at people is because, generally, you're going into that room as a founder of an early stage startup, because you want to get something back.

Anila Dhami: 4:43

You want to go and get business cards from people, or you want funding, or you want someone to recognize your business and give you some advice. But when you start to realize that you are gaining and giving equally, that's when the communication style begins to change and you start to see the other person as a person rather than somebody who you're going to get something from. And that is the fundamental of connection and communication, I believe, and that's what I talk about in my sessions. Like, I keep saying, I'm not qualified as a public speaker, but these are things that I have learned through my experience and this is what I then teach and say to other people. And you know, I've seen the results, which is why I was walking today.

Mona Ahluwalia: 5:29

And I guess being convincing when you go up onto that stage or into that room kind of comes with like a bit of a confidence and a comfort in yourself and in your style and kind of that comes through in like how authentically you come across. How can founders make sure that they kind of authentically connect with an audience when presenting their vision?

Anila Dhami: 5:53

Well, in your question you've put it really nicely that when you're presenting or persuading, you want to do it from a place of authenticity. And persuasion can only come when I believe, when you believe in something and your message is so important to you that you won't deviate from it. So when we're persuading, I think it's really important to firstly understand what the message is and have a real clear idea of. This is my message, this is what I stand for or this is what I'm selling, this is what I'm doing, this is who I am, and only then can you persuade. Because once you believe in yourself and once you believe in what your message is, only then can people believe in you.

Anila Dhami: 6:56

And often we think you know you might go into a room and you don't know what people's personalities are like, but people pick up on energies and we all have certain energies when we come into something. It's really important, I think, to do things from a pure energy, from a space of not so much not desperation, but an energy of wanting to connect because you truly believe something, rather than wanting to connect because you really need something. So once you've worked out the message and what you really believe and what you really stand for. The persuasion part comes naturally because you are so firm in what you're standing for, and that is really the value of integrity. It's using your words in a way that's so truthful and honest to who you are that you display that level of integrity and authenticity that people naturally connect to, and that's where the buy-in comes and that's where you don't need to persuade, because you've already shown the heart. It's all about having the heart in your words.

Mona Ahluwalia: 8:14

Really good advice, thank you. I think there's so much content out there like TED talks and you know you can literally just go on YouTube and like try and find inspiration on how people talk authentically and I think immediately you can almost like see into their soul when they're talking um, because they, like you know they're so convincing, they're so compelling, because I guess, like you say, they really believe in what they're saying and it's coming all from the heart.

Anila Dhami: 8:36

Yeah, and in the sessions and workshops we work through that of getting to what is the heart, what's at the core, what are your values, what do you stand for?

Anila Dhami: 8:47

And these are big questions. And somebody might be watching this thinking I just want to go and sell my product or sell my business, but it's the big questions that matter, because you're a person, you're not a business, and as people, we want to believe in other people.

Mona Ahluwalia: 9:04

For sure, for sure.

Mona Ahluwalia: 9:06

And then, on the other side of things, you've nailed down what you're saying and the message. But how important is like voice modulation and body language in delivering a persuasive message?

Anila Dhami: 9:18

OK, I want you to say your name for me.

Anila Dhami: 9:31

Uh, sitting, how you are now say uh, just say I am Mona Ahluwalia, and I'm, uh, and give me your title.

Mona Ahluwalia: 9:35

Okay, I am Mona Aluwhalia and I am a early stage founder in Stealth.

Anila Dhami: 9:38

Okay now talking of body language and the way that we're expressing ourselves and the energy we're bringing, and to truly get people to connect with us and to believe in us and what we, what we're doing and who we are, and names are so important. And this is all about our identity identity in our words, identity in our language, identity in the way we're speaking, delivering out our words and body language. So I now want you and this might be a bit difficult because you are on camera, but, if you can, to stand up while you're still in vision this is brilliant, you really do great participation here.

Anila Dhami: 10:17

Okay, and let's just get your energy flowing. So some movement with your arms. Yeah, yeah, arms up and down. Okay, yeah brilliant, great, okay, we're spreading the energy around, opening you up. Okay, okay, and just do some twists for me. Okay, great. And now I want you to look straight ahead and say the same sentence again.

Mona Ahluwalia: 10:45

My name is Mona Ahluwhalia and I'm an early stage founder in Stealth.

Anila Dhami: 10:48

How did you feel that time?

Mona Ahluwalia: 10:50

Just like more intentional, but definitely also just like probably louder.

Anila Dhami: 10:57

Yeah, your voice was clearer and I think the first time you said it there was a little, and then this time it was direct, very clear, and it sounded like there was a lot more strength in what you were saying, but again, great.

Anila Dhami: 11:15

And again, it's all about how you feel, because if you, we've done that exercise and we would do that exercise a few times to get you to a point where your voice is projecting so strongly you truly believe in what you're saying and would work on the sentences and what message you want to give. It's all about how you feel when you say it. So I gave you the sentence of what to say, but that would. It would be your words. What do you feel comfortable saying, what do you want to feel strong in saying and what's the message you want to be giving. And so body language is important, not only for how you're presenting yourself, but for how you feel when you're presenting yourself and, ultimately, when it comes to communication, it is all about how you feel. If you're in a bad mood one day and you're going out to a networking event, chances are probably not going to be the friendliest person in the room. So it is about how you feel when you're connecting with people.

Mona Ahluwalia: 12:15

Really interesting.

Mona Ahluwalia: 12:16

So would you recommend, if you are maybe having a bad day or just not the best week and you know the early startup journey is full of those ups and downs but you are going to need to switch it on occasionally, what would you say is the best way to kind of get yourself in the zone quite quickly?

Anila Dhami: 12:31

And again this comes down to authenticity as a person, and again, these are my beliefs that when you are going through life, you know inevitably life has ups and downs. So what can you do in your life to make things easier or better or manageable in the times when you're having some kind of hardship or so you're finding something difficult? And, as you said, founders, startups, it's up and down, it. It can be difficult, and you're going to have those moments. And a crucial part of business is people. You know, everything's about people, this world is about people. So what could you do in your day to make you feel better?

Anila Dhami: 13:20

And this isn't just about if you're having a down day or if life is up and down. This is just your everyday habits. So for me, I have very small habits that I know will make me feel good throughout the day. Whether that's taking a toilet break, because that gives me a few seconds to myself of just, you know, just a bit of peace for a minute, or going out to buy a hot chocolate. I know as soon as I go and get a hot chocolate, I've done something cute for myself, something nice, something to pick me up, and it doesn't even have to be a pick me up.

Anila Dhami: 13:57

It's just small habits that I've formed and created where I know that is something for myself, and often, because life is so busy, we forget to do things for ourselves. But some of those things we can do for ourselves can easily be brought in to our work routine without us even knowing so it might for you be going to get a really nice lunch one day, or knowing, yeah, every day after lunch I'm going to sit on a bench for five minutes and journal and it takes nothing away from your workflow because it's giving you the time and the headspace and it's so. So, with the question of dealing with ups and downs, actually what are you doing in your everyday life to help with your ups and downs anyway, so that when you have had something that's happened that's maybe knocked you, and then you've got to go to a networking event, you know you've got that tool there already that will help you for when you're going into your next situation, and that's about having balance in life.

Mona Ahluwalia: 15:01

I hear you so really trying to identify what tools work for you.

Mona Ahluwalia: 15:04

That really, I guess like refill your cup back up when you kind of feel like you're running on empty or you know not having.

Anila Dhami: 15:11

Exactly, exactly, and it's about making sure your cup is always filled, because we are people people, you know I'm a people person, I love being around people, I'm talking to people all the time, so my cup always has to be filled, at least to a certain point, because you just can't run on empty. That's like a car running without petrol. It's you just can't do it and it doesn't feel good because you've basically broken down. So what can you do in your life and what habits can you create to make sure that doesn't happen? And how can you keep your cup full so that you can give to others?

Amardeep Parmar: 15:56

We hope you're enjoying the episode so far. We just want to give a quick shout out to our headline partners, HSBC Innovation Banking. One of the biggest challenges for so many startups is finding the right bank to support them, because you might start off and try to use a traditional bank, but they don't understand what you're doing. You're just talking to an AI assistant or you're talking to somebody who doesn't really understand what it is you've been trying to do. HSBC have got the team they've built out over years to make sure they understand what you're doing. They've got the deep sector expertise and they can help connect you with the right people to make your dreams come true.

Amardeep Parmar: 16:28

So if you want to learn more, check out hsbc innovation banking. com.

Mona Ahluwalia: 16:33

I guess that leads nicely on to the next question, which is handling those times where you're communicating or pitching to potential investors or high value clients and their, their reaction isn't what you expect. Maybe there's objections or they're not, like you know, really getting it and you might get some unexpected objections. How would you advise founders to kind of almost be able to quickly think on their feet, not get, you know, worried or anxious in those situations.

Anila Dhami: 17:08

Keep a cool head and face those unforeseen challenges yeah, and of course, when I'm in this position, I have to then put myself in somebody else's shoes and think, okay, what would they be thinking and feeling? And at this point I would ask what would you be thinking and feeling if that was you? I mean, have you been in that position.

Mona Ahluwalia: 17:28

For sure.

Anila Dhami: 17:29

Okay, um, if you feel like sharing, how does it make you feel? Maybe just one word, one or two words?

Mona Ahluwalia: 17:37

Maybe a little bit angry, that? No, I think it's you. You build yourself up and you prepare yourself um quite a lot and you feel like everything is pinning on a particular moment for you to go out and pitch it. And you've been practicing and editing the speech and blah, blah, blah, and then if someone doesn't get it or they're objecting to something that I guess in your mind is quite an obvious thing, you might feel a little bit knocked, I think, in confidence, or you might feel a bit like angry at yourself that why didn't I prepare for that, or why haven't I communicated myself as well as I thought I would have, and then that objection wouldn't have arisen.

Anila Dhami: 18:17

Okay. And then we come back to that first point that we talked about, where communication is a two-way street, so where you think that you've gone in to pitch and talk to people and at people. You're forgetting in that situation that people are listening to you and how people respond is up to them, and then how you're responding is also in your control and up to you. So in the situation we're looking at what's in your control. So if somebody doesn't understand what's in your control to help them understand, because if you truly believe in what you are saying, you will maybe not have the answers in that moment, but find a way to give the answer at some point because you know you'll have the answer, because you believe in it and that's your truth. If somebody has a question and you have prepared everything and they've asked you for a spreadsheet on something else and you've suddenly realised right, I'm in a room full of people, everyone's now looking at me, looks like I'm underprepared, I don't have this information at hand. The simplest way to take back control in that moment and show integrity and show confidence and also a bit of standing your ground is saying I don't have that information at the moment, but I can definitely go and get it, or my team member actually has been working on that and they have the information. I'd be really happy to send that over to you. I'll loop you into an email as soon as this meeting's over and I can send it.

Anila Dhami: 20:09

And what you've done there is you've taken control of the reaction, the response to the reaction, and you have given substantial evidence of knowing what you're talking about and it just sounds calmer, doesn't it? Much more calm and collected. And also you've built more of a connection, because you've said we're going to take this meeting off, you know, out of this room and take it online and start having a chat over emails. So you're building connection with people and and giving people what they want. Ultimately, you're not denying them of information, and I always think it's a great thing to take things onto email after meetings because it means you're just staying in touch with people and that's ultimately what you want. You want to create dialogue and a conversation afterwards. That would be my advice.

Mona Ahluwalia: 21:01

Yeah, good advice, good advice.

Mona Ahluwalia: 21:03

And I think I just have to clarify as well the anger when I was like angry, no other person objecting more, just yourself. And I think we put so much pressure on ourselves to like yeah.

Anila Dhami: 21:13

Yeah no I just I understood that and that pressure comes from that.

Anila Dhami: 21:18

In that moment, you think it is the be all and end all, whereas the conversation can continue if you want it to, there are ways to allow the conversation to continue.

Mona Ahluwalia: 21:31

For sure, and I think someone told me one time that objections are just like people asking for more information, um so they wouldn't be asking for more information if they weren't interested. So objections are much better than someone just staring at you blankly in silence, um, or you know, look, you know looking distracted or whatever, and not engaging um.

Anila Dhami: 21:50

Completely, completely, and it's like if you put yourself in the other person's shoes and you didn't understand something, but you were genuinely interested.

Anila Dhami: 21:59

You would just want more information too.

Mona Ahluwalia: 22:01

I would love to divert this now to a more positive topic of, like the storytelling, storytelling piece. So, when you are actually getting in that flow and wanting to communicate your vision in the most powerful way, um, a lot of it comes from and this brings in like the authenticity, um piece that we've spoken about of actually how, what is the story, what's led you to this moment and why are you here and why this product and why now? Um, and it's such a powerful tool, tool increasingly in business, because it's not just about the product anymore where the founder plays a huge role in whether that business will be successful with that, whether that product will be successful. So, what tips do you have for founders on kind of crafting a compelling and memorable narrative that, I guess, like grabs the audience's attention straight off the bat?

Anila Dhami: 22:53

Hi, I'm Anila Dhami and I grew up in Essex. I studied at the Chafford School, which has now turned to the Harris Academy, and I did some work experience. I could go on, or I can start with hi, I'm Anila Dharmi. I'm a multi-award-winning journalist who has worked at XYZ. There are so many different ways to tell a story. What what I advise is find what's important to you in those moments to share and tell it in a way that you would want to hear it. Like with any story, you have a beginning, middle and end, but what that beginning, middle and end look like and the journey that you take people on through the beginning, middle and end is completely up to you, and there are so many ways to work on your story. So I would suggest firstly I mean the most simple way to start working out your message and story. Off the top of my head, with what we would possibly do is write down all of write down your story. Write down the key moments from when you went to school or your parents or and your family history, or your education, or it could be starting straight from something that you have failed in and I don't like using the word failed, but something you perceive you failed in to how you overcame it and why you're there today. So do you see? There are so many different ways you can tell your story, but it's about deciding what matters, what's important for this moment right now. Of course, everybody's, every part of everybody's journey matters, but particularly when you are talking to a specific audience and your audience will always change, your audience will always be different and it's about identifying what's important for that audience. So writing down qualities or skills or moments in your life and then deciding where to start and end is one tip.

Anila Dhami: 25:18

The other piece of advice I would share is how do you want to leave people feeling? Because different types of communication for example, networking or standing and delivering a speech on stage, for example, networking or standing and delivering a speech on stage they require different modes of communication and require you to leave people feeling differently in those situations. In a networking event, you want people to be receptive and to connect and maybe exchange cards. So you're looking for that. If you're speaking to an audience of 100 about your product, you want them to believe in, you want them to invest in you. You want them to be able to have the confidence and safety to approach you after so. You're constantly giving and taking different things to receive something different in different situations. So also think about how do you want to leave people feeling. Do you want your story to start with a bang and end with emotion? Do you want to start with emotion and end with a bang? Think about the feelings in the words that you're using.

Anila Dhami: 26:25

I hope that helps.

Mona Ahluwalia: 26:26

For sure, for sure. I think, yeah, again, like going in with that mindset that you are trying to make someone feel something when you, before you're like you know, put a pen to paper and start to write something down, really helps, cause it there's lots of facts and figures and things we want to relay about, you know, metrics and technology, but actually from, if it feels a bit like a, like a, like a lesson or something, then it's kind of not the you know, maybe not the right approach.

Anila Dhami: 26:54

Yeah, exactly. And I love writing things down. I'm a big advocate for pen to paper. So because it helps you see, it helps you see the words on a page clearly and then be able to decide yes, I'm going to go with this word, this word and this word for now.

Mona Ahluwalia: 27:12

And final wrap up question. Anila, we've touched on so many interesting points and I guess if you could leave early stage startup founders, who find public speaking scary and overwhelming, what was one piece of advice that you would give them?

Anila Dhami: 27:28

I'd start by saying that feeling scared of public speaking is completely normal and that you're not alone, but it's not something that can't be worked through and overcome. So if somebody has a fear of public speaking, there's a way to work through it, and I can say that with full confidence because I've seen people transform and and that requires investing in yourself, investing time in yourself to understand yourself better in order to get to a place where you can authentically communicate in different situations.

Mona Ahluwalia: 28:15

Thank you so much.

Mona Ahluwalia: 28:16

Really, really interesting conversation, um. Is there anything else that I haven't asked that you think our, our team, would like to know?

Anila Dhami: 28:25

I think I think the thing with public speaking and talking about public speaking is, and generally when people sign up to my sessions and workshops, they think they're getting something and they get something completely different and generally when people come to the topic of public speaking, they think it's all about how am I projecting my voice, how am I standing, how am I doing this? And it becomes actually it's less about all of those physical attributes you might see or the sounds, but more about the feelings and the thought processes and it's much deeper. But at least that's from the place that I come from, because I think that's really key to authentic communication.

Mona Ahluwalia: 29:07

Thank you, thank you really really interesting conversation and so much good learning in there that I think we can all like pick apart a little bit and start to use, just like in our day-to-day life, like with that, with that exercise. I'm probably gonna do that when I jump on a call, when I'm feeling a little bit nervous.

Anila Dhami: 29:24

Yeah, and that will shake off the nerves and just put you in a different space, energy wise.

Mona Ahluwalia: 29:30

Finally, Anila, who are three Asians in Britain who are doing incredible work that the audience should go check out?

Anila Dhami: 29:36

Well, this is hard because there are so many and I have been lucky enough without sounding like I'm plugging something here to have spoken to many of the trailblazers in this book that I'm co-writing about Indian creatives who have had an impact on British society. So there are loads, and I you know I'm meeting different people all the time through the literary festival that I'm on the advisory board of. People are creating amazing work in so many different fields and actually let's not talk about three, let's just go and find all of them. I advise everyone on this listening to this go and find all of them. I advise everyone on this listening to this go and explore different Asian voices in different fields, because there's amazing work being done by so many people.

Mona Ahluwalia: 30:22

I agree. I agree it doesn't feel fair sometimes to just pick three there are, there are so many so many, and how can people find out more about you and your company and the work you're doing?

Anila Dhami: 30:33

so Instagram is the best place. I love posting on my stories and staying connected with people, and also have a website, aniladhami. com.

Mona Ahluwalia: 30:42

And how could the audience help you?

Anila Dhami: 30:44

I feel like my work that I do is, well one of my greatest values is to be of service to people and I try to do that in so many different ways with the work I do, or the sessions I deliver, or the charities I'm working with, or the advisory board I'm on. Even the book I'm writing is hopefully to mentor and help the next generation of Indian creatives. So if people want to help me, I would say find ways to help yourself, because when you invest in yourself and you're the best version of yourself creates a better society for all.

Mona Ahluwalia: 31:24

Very cool and we'll have to keep an eye out for that book when it comes out.

Anila Dhami: 31:29

Yes.

Mona Ahluwalia: 31:31

Cool and any final words, Anila?

Anila Dhami: 31:40

Just enjoy the journey and if you want to follow up and chat to me more, you can reach out.

Amardeep Parmar: 31:44

Thank you for watching. Don't forget to subscribe. See you next time.

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